SWAIN TO TRUMP: “GET IN THE FUCKIN’ RING!”…

PRESIDENT BULLIES PELOSI ON TWITTER, SILENT ABOUT WRESTLING CHALLENGE ISSUED BY ANARCHIST PRISONER

It would appear that if only Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain were an elderly, frail woman, President Trump would be interested in picking a fight with him; but since he’s in his prime and has reached his optimum fighting weight, Trump has responded to Sean’s challenges with a curious, uncharacteristic silence.
In early October, swain2020.org posted Sean’s challenge to Trump: a two-on-one no-pinfall submission-only tables-ladders-and-chairs cage-match, with Sean taking on both Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence at the same time.
“I tried to give Trump every advantage possible,” Sean explained. “I didn’t even make them tag-team me, even though Trump outweighs me all on his own. I offered to take them both at once, at the same time– and that pet badger on his head. I’d love to get them all in submission holds at the same time. That’s how confident I am.
“I figured that with all that tough shit he talks to elderly women, and with all the tough shit he talks to North Korea and Iran when it would involve others fighting and bleeding, he’d want to prove he’s not just a fat, stupid coward, just a windbag with no guts and no real punch. I figured he’d get in the ring. After all, he’s been on the WWE before. What’s he afraid of?
“I guess he’s afraid of me.”
In the months since Sean issued his challenge, Trump has continually berated and insulted and bullied females including Nancy Pelosi and teenager Greta Thunberg.
“It appears that he’s only Twitter-tough, not real-world tough,” Sean said. “He won’t take off his diaper and put on his big-boy pants.”
Trump’s cowardice is reminiscent of how then-candidate Trump ran away from a protesting teenager and hid behind a Secret Service agent during a rally at a Cincinnati airport. “I hope swain2020.org can find and post the video,” Sean said. “It shows Trump scampering and cowering behind a Secret Service agent. He’s trembling in the video and you can see him grab the agent’s sleeve, like a toddler seeking protection from his mommy.”
Video from that Cincinnati event does show Trump cowering and grabbing the Secret Service agent’s sleeve. Trump really did appear terrified.
“If Trump will run from a teenager, he’ll avoid me like he avoided Vietnam. Everyone should tweet that coward and tell him to respond to my challenge. Hey, Fartgoblin King: Stop running from me. Get in the fuckin’ ring.”

BORIS AND NATASHA ENDORSE SWAIN


Russian hackers Boris and Natasha have endorsed Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain. In a posted statement they advised all American voters to “just stay the fuck home.”
Swain has repeatedly claimed that he has a plan for ending up with 100% of the vote. He claims 2020 will be the “end of DUHmocracy.”

Poll:

RUSSIAN HACKERS PREFER SWAIN OVER TRUMP
In an informal poll conducted in September, nine out of ten Russian hackers voiced greater support for Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain’s plans to abolish the United States than President Trump’s tired, conservative dust-farting plans to fuck everybody who does not play golf with him.
When nine out of ten Russian hackers expressed support for Swain, the tenth was assaulted and his wallet was stolen.
We don’t know anything about that.
In the October poll taken just this week, all ten Russian hackers supported Swain

Coming Soon:

ANARCHIST PRISONER SEAN SWAIN ACTION FIGURE!
Sean Swain is soon to be the first presidential candidate with his own action figure. According to the press release, it will be “anatomically correct.”
Be the first kid on your block to own one!

Swain Challenges Trump

ANARCHIST PRISONER CHALLENGES PRESIDENT TO WRESTLING MATCH
The Swain 2020 campaign has issued an open invitation for President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence to take on Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain– in the ring. In a press release, Swain challenged the president to a “two-on-one no-holds-barred no-pinfall submission-only tables-ladders-chairs Texas cage-match.” Swain proposes the match occur in the gymnasium of Buckingham Correctional, where he is now held, and broadcast on pay-per-view with all proceeds going to the winner.
“I’ll take on Trump and Pence at the same time,” Swain said. “They’re soft. They’re old. They send others to do the fighting. I would crush them if they got in the ring.” Swain claims he would easily suplex Trump from the top turnbuckle and that he would inflict such damage that “the yellow gopher stapled to the top of his empty head would re-animate long enough to run away.”
Swain has also challenged the Democrats to a ten-on-one tag-team match. When asked if any of the Democrats might pose a challenge, Swain named only one candidate: “Elizabeth Warren.”
So far, neither the president nor any of the other candidates have responded to Swain’s challenge.

Swain 2020

MY 90-DAY PROGRAM
If Boris and Natasha manage to get me elected president, the following is my 90-day plan for abolishing the United States and unraveling the global system of command and control, liberating all of us to live our lives in freedom from tyranny and oppression.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 20, 2021. DAY ONE.

1000 hours. Swearing in ceremony. Hoping to have Rage Against the Machine play live.

1200 hours. Enter Oval Office and sign Executive Orders for the following:

–legalizing my own assassination if I remain in office more than 90 days;

–suspending ALL foreign aid;

–suspending ALL bloc grants to states;

–authorizing a Reparations Commission to (1) identify all descendants of slavery in U.S. and to (2) determine what they are owed in monetary compensation for unpaid forced labor of ancestors;

–authorizing a Reparations Commission to (1) identify all descendants of Native American tribes in U.S. and to (2) determine what they are owed in monetary compensation for theft of land from ancestors;

–decommissioning nuclear arsenal unilaterally and authorizing the dismantling of all warheads;

–ordering the acting chair of the Federal Reserve to maximize the printing of cash money;

–ordering resignation of the following cabinet members and maintaining permanent vacancies of their offices: Secretary of State, Secretary of Treasury, Secretary of Defense, Secretary of Interior, Secretary of Agriculture, Secretary of Commerce, Secretary of Labor, Secretary of Health and Human Services, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Secretary of Transportation, Secretary of Energy, Secretary of Education, Secretary of Veterans’ Affairs, Secretary of Homeland Security, and the Attorney General;

–ordering resignation of the following Whitehouse staff and maintaining permanent vacancies of their offices:
Counselor to the President, Physician to the President, Director of National Intelligence, Chief of Staff and all assistants, Counsel to the President, Whitehouse Press Secretary, National Security Advisor and all assistants, Staff Secretary, Communications Director, Domestic Policy Director, Economic Policy Director, Homeland Security and Counterterrorism Director, Legislative Affairs Director, Presidential Personnel Director, Speechwriter for the President, Chief of Staff for the Vice-President; Chief of Staff for the First Lady; Whitehouse Social Secretary, and Press Secretary for the First Lady;

–ordering the detention of all U.S. Supreme Court Justices and members of Congress on suspicion of treason.

1300 hours. Begin phone calls to governors of all 50 states, explaining to them how incredibly and permanently fucked they are.

1830 hours. Order pizza and watch nightly news report stock market crash.

2000 hours. Watch Survivor.

2100 hours. Begin phone calls to heads of state of all foreign nations, explaining to them how incredibly and permanently fucked they are.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 21, 2021. DAY TWO.

0530 hours. Wake up. Work out. Shower. Eat breakfast.

0800 hours. Enter Oval Office. Sign Executive Orders for the following:

–launching conventional airstrike on Hoover Dam;

–recalling all U.S. troops from overseas and authorizing destruction of all bases outside U.S. borders;

–ordering the federal reserve to begin air drops of cash over major urban centers;

–plowing down all border fences and releasing all detainees from federal detention facilities, with exception to Supreme Court and Congress;

–issuing pardons to national prisoner population, with exception to Supreme Court and Congress.

1200 hours. Order lunch.

1300 hours. Press conference to explain to the people of the U.S. and the world how the collapse of swivelization will proceed.

1830 hours. Watch news.

2000 hours. Watch football. If it’s still happening.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 22, 2021. DAY THREE.

0530 hours. Wake up. Work out. Shower. Eat breakfast.

0800 hours. Enter Oval Office. Sign Executive Orders for the following:

–requiring an inventory of all military hardware, equipment, weapons, and material, including estimated value, to be turned over to Reparations Commissions not later than 17 March 2021;

–declaring every day of the year a national holiday;

–directing nuclear engineers to begin process of powering down all nuclear power plants;

–with exception to military personnel inventorying military equipment, the Reparations Commissions, the engineers disassembling nukes, agents holding the Supreme Court and Congress in detention, and nuclear engineers powering down power plants, the firing of all employees of: the Department of State, the Department of Treasury, the Department of Defense, the Department of Interior, the Department of Agriculture, the Department of Commerce, the Department of Labor, the Department of Health and Human Services, the Department of Housing and Urban Development, the Department of Transportation, the Department of Energy, the Department of Education, the Department of Veterans’ Affairs, the Department of Homeland Security, and the Department of Justice.

1300 hours. Order pizza. If anyone still delivers.

1400 hours. Begin phone calls to Native American tribal representatives to arrange for transition of ownership of lands of the U.S.
1830 hours. Watch news. If it’s still happening.
1900 hours. Pack go-bag with weapons and ammunition for impending trip.
2000 hours. Play videogames because Friday night television is total shit.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 23, 2021. DAY FOUR.

0530 hours. Wake up. Work out. Shower. Eat breakfast.

0800 hours. On the road with security contingent from Army of the 12 Monkeys as personal protection from hierarch terrorists. Fifty-state motorcycle farewell tour. Rallies in all 50 capitals to persuade citizens to burn down statehouses and return to semi-nomadic hunter-gathering.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17, 2021. DAY FIFTY-SEVEN.

0800 hours. Return to Whitehouse. Accept inventory from U.S. military and hand it over to Reparations Commissions (RepComs). Give RepComs deadline of April 16, 2021 to determine the division and dissemination of all military possession and U.S. land to those entitled to reparations.

FRIDAY, APRIL 16, 2021. DAY EIGHTY-SEVEN.

0530 hours. Wake up. Work out. Shower. Eat breakfast.

0800 hours. Enter Oval Office. Oversee the transition of land and weaponry to Native Americans and descendants of slaves.

2000 hours. Give televised address announcing abolition of the United States of America. Douse Oval Office with gasoline. Light match. Announce formal resignation. Leave. Attend party where everyone roasts marshmallows in flames. Hope Rage Against the Machine is available as house band.

MONDAY, APRIL 19, 2021. DAY NINETY.

0530 hours. Wake up. Work out. Shower Light fire to cook breakfast. Eat breakfast. Join my tribe in hunting and foraging.