BORIS AND NATASHA ENDORSE SWAIN

Russian hackers Boris and Natasha have endorsed Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain. In a posted statement they advised all American voters to “just stay the fuck home.” Swain has repeatedly claimed that he has a plan for ending up with 100% of the vote. He claims 2020 will be the “end of DUHmocracy.”

Poll:

RUSSIAN HACKERS PREFER SWAIN OVER TRUMP In an informal poll conducted in September, nine out of ten Russian hackers voiced greater support for Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain’s plans to abolish the United States than President Trump’s tired, conservative dust-farting plans to fuck everybody who does not play golf with him. When nine out of ten […]

Coming Soon:

ANARCHIST PRISONER SEAN SWAIN ACTION FIGURE! Sean Swain is soon to be the first presidential candidate with his own action figure. According to the press release, it will be “anatomically correct.” Be the first kid on your block to own one!

Swain Challenges Trump

ANARCHIST PRISONER CHALLENGES PRESIDENT TO WRESTLING MATCH The Swain 2020 campaign has issued an open invitation for President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence to take on Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain– in the ring. In a press release, Swain challenged the president to a “two-on-one no-holds-barred no-pinfall submission-only tables-ladders-chairs Texas cage-match.” Swain proposes the […]

Swain 2020

MY 90-DAY PROGRAMIf Boris and Natasha manage to get me elected president, the following is my 90-day plan for abolishing the United States and unraveling the global system of command and control, liberating all of us to live our lives in freedom from tyranny and oppression. WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 20, 2021. DAY ONE. 1000 hours. Swearing […]